It’s time for Jose Melendez’s KEYS TO THE GAME.
1. After he single handedly killed the Red Sox by getting two runners thrown out at home in the sixth inning last night, it is clear that third base coach Dale Sveum needs to be sent down to work on his fundamentals. But given the level of his performance last night, Jose thinks that Sveum is not performing well enough for Triple A, Double A or even Single A ball. Jose thinks he should be sent down to some pre school to work on playing red light/green light with pre schoolers. Hopefully, that would teach him that there are times when you should go, and times when you should stop. Jose’s fear is that this is what a game of Red Light/Green Light called by Dale Sveum would look like:
SVEUM: Okay kids, ready… Green light……….
(Sound of children running into the wall.)
Actually, we should be happy that he’s a third base coach. Imagine if he was a crossing guard, there would be kids splattered all over the crosswalk. (Note: Yes this is a variation on the famous Sveum, or was in Wendall Kim, as air traffic controller joke, but it still works.)
For more visit www.wallballsingle.com
Saturday, May 28
Friday, May 27
5/27/05 -- The Charge of the Red Brigade
It’s time for Jose Melendez’s KEYS TO THE GAME.
1. These are desperate times friends, desperate times indeed. Ad in these times of anguish and uncertainty, it is helpful to recall that we Red Sox fans have a glorious past.
So in these dark days, we honor those who came before us, honor their sacrifices, honor their glories. So Jose Melendez is proud to present, in blatant rip off of Alfred, Lord Tennyson, the following poem.
The Charge of the Red Brigade
Two and three, two and three,
Two and three behind,
All in the filth of the Bronx
Strode the twenty five.
"Forward, the Red Brigade!"Grab for the bats!" he said:Into the filth of the BronxStrode the twenty five.
"Forward, the Red Brigade!"Was Ramirez dismay'd?Not tho' Francona knewThey fought to survive:Their's not to make reply,Their's not to run and slide,Their's but to hit a fly:Into the filth of the BronxStrode the twenty five.
Yankees to right of them,Yankees to left of them,Yankees in front of themFailed to strive;Storm'd at with bats and balls,Fighting the bad umps’ calls,Into the filth of the Bronx,Hitting the ball off walls,Strode the twenty five.
Boldly they took a swing,Bidding for champion’s ring,Yankees can’t do a thing,Battling an empire, whileTrying to survive:Plunged in electric lightYankees in left and right;A-Rod and JeterReel'd from baseball’s flightThe Red Sox are alive.Then they strode back, for e’re’r “the twenty five.”
Yankees to right of them,Yankees to left of them,Yankees behind them Failed to strive;
Swinging deep for the walls,
Pitchers that throw no ballsErasing prior Falls,Came back from three to none,
Earning their curtain calls
All that was left of them,
Was “the twenty five.”
When can their glory fade?O the wild games they played!All the world alive.Honor the way they played,Honor the Red Brigade,Noble twenty five.
1. These are desperate times friends, desperate times indeed. Ad in these times of anguish and uncertainty, it is helpful to recall that we Red Sox fans have a glorious past.
So in these dark days, we honor those who came before us, honor their sacrifices, honor their glories. So Jose Melendez is proud to present, in blatant rip off of Alfred, Lord Tennyson, the following poem.
The Charge of the Red Brigade
Two and three, two and three,
Two and three behind,
All in the filth of the Bronx
Strode the twenty five.
"Forward, the Red Brigade!"Grab for the bats!" he said:Into the filth of the BronxStrode the twenty five.
"Forward, the Red Brigade!"Was Ramirez dismay'd?Not tho' Francona knewThey fought to survive:Their's not to make reply,Their's not to run and slide,Their's but to hit a fly:Into the filth of the BronxStrode the twenty five.
Yankees to right of them,Yankees to left of them,Yankees in front of themFailed to strive;Storm'd at with bats and balls,Fighting the bad umps’ calls,Into the filth of the Bronx,Hitting the ball off walls,Strode the twenty five.
Boldly they took a swing,Bidding for champion’s ring,Yankees can’t do a thing,Battling an empire, whileTrying to survive:Plunged in electric lightYankees in left and right;A-Rod and JeterReel'd from baseball’s flightThe Red Sox are alive.Then they strode back, for e’re’r “the twenty five.”
Yankees to right of them,Yankees to left of them,Yankees behind them Failed to strive;
Swinging deep for the walls,
Pitchers that throw no ballsErasing prior Falls,Came back from three to none,
Earning their curtain calls
All that was left of them,
Was “the twenty five.”
When can their glory fade?O the wild games they played!All the world alive.Honor the way they played,Honor the Red Brigade,Noble twenty five.
Thursday, May 26
5/26/05 - Miller vs. Oh... Who Cares
It’s time for Jose Melendez’s KEYS TO THE GAME.
Jose is mailing it in today, and even that seems like way too much effort, as all he has are 34 cent stamps. Seriously, where are the f*cking 3 cent stamps. Why shouldn’t he? If the Red Sox can do it, so can Red Sox bloggers. No, it’s not fair to you the fans, and it’s not right, but that’s how it is.
It’s raining, it’s miserable and the Sox loss last night was boring and gutless. So Jose has only two choices, write an angry rant or go to the post office. It’s just no fun to write KEYS when the Sox are playing like this, and it’s probably even less fun to read them.
One might ask, why, in this situation, Jose bothers to write KEYS at all? Why not take the day off and go sulk in corner or relax with a bottle of scotch?
Why? Because Jose has an obligation to post something… anything… every day he possibly can for his readers, his fans and even his detractors. But does Jose have an obligation to try? In the words of Bart Simpson, Jose “can’t promise he’ll try, but he’ll try to try.” It’s like asking why the Red Sox bothered showing up on a night like last night when it was clear that none of them had even the slightest intention of working. You do it because you have to and then muddle through.
For more visit www.wallballsingle.com
Jose is mailing it in today, and even that seems like way too much effort, as all he has are 34 cent stamps. Seriously, where are the f*cking 3 cent stamps. Why shouldn’t he? If the Red Sox can do it, so can Red Sox bloggers. No, it’s not fair to you the fans, and it’s not right, but that’s how it is.
It’s raining, it’s miserable and the Sox loss last night was boring and gutless. So Jose has only two choices, write an angry rant or go to the post office. It’s just no fun to write KEYS when the Sox are playing like this, and it’s probably even less fun to read them.
One might ask, why, in this situation, Jose bothers to write KEYS at all? Why not take the day off and go sulk in corner or relax with a bottle of scotch?
Why? Because Jose has an obligation to post something… anything… every day he possibly can for his readers, his fans and even his detractors. But does Jose have an obligation to try? In the words of Bart Simpson, Jose “can’t promise he’ll try, but he’ll try to try.” It’s like asking why the Red Sox bothered showing up on a night like last night when it was clear that none of them had even the slightest intention of working. You do it because you have to and then muddle through.
For more visit www.wallballsingle.com
Wednesday, May 25
5/25/05 -- Balki Returns
It’s time for Jose Melendez’s KEYS TO THE GAME.
According to the New York Daily News, Yankees liability Alex Rodriguez has been seeing not one but two and occasionally three psychotherapists. This is a tricky issue for Jose. On the one hand, the mentally ill should not be ridiculed. Jose has seen any number of people he cares about struggle with mental illness, and he understands fully that it is no different than a physical condition. Moreover, Rodriguez’s donation of $200,000 to a mental health program for children is downright admirable. On the other hand, A-Rod, as a rule, should be ridiculed for pretty much anything he does. So, as you can see, this puts Jose in quite the bind.
So here is Jose’s plan. First, Jose offers public congratulations to A-Rod on supporting mental health programs. Congratulations Alex!!! Second, Jose condemns A-Rod for going public with news of his therapy. Jose is all for taking the stigma out of mental illness, but does attaching A-Rod’s name to it really help? Across the country scenes like this are likely unfolding.
Husband: Honey, we need to talk... I’m in therapy to deal with some problems.
Wife: WHAT??? Therapy! What the hell kind of person are you? I used to think therapy was okay, but now that I know A-Rod goes, I think it is only for cheaters, divas and men with strange bluish lips.
See… Jose knows you were trying to do something positive, just like when you slapped Arroyo, but once again your effort will do the exact opposite of what you are trying to accomplish.
And to get in one last cheap shot, Jose doesn’t know specifically what disorder, if any, A-Rod is being treated for, but there are reports that he spent his last off day staring into his reflection in a pond for about 20 hours. You Greek scholars should be able to connect the dots from there.
For more visit www.wallballsingle.com.
According to the New York Daily News, Yankees liability Alex Rodriguez has been seeing not one but two and occasionally three psychotherapists. This is a tricky issue for Jose. On the one hand, the mentally ill should not be ridiculed. Jose has seen any number of people he cares about struggle with mental illness, and he understands fully that it is no different than a physical condition. Moreover, Rodriguez’s donation of $200,000 to a mental health program for children is downright admirable. On the other hand, A-Rod, as a rule, should be ridiculed for pretty much anything he does. So, as you can see, this puts Jose in quite the bind.
So here is Jose’s plan. First, Jose offers public congratulations to A-Rod on supporting mental health programs. Congratulations Alex!!! Second, Jose condemns A-Rod for going public with news of his therapy. Jose is all for taking the stigma out of mental illness, but does attaching A-Rod’s name to it really help? Across the country scenes like this are likely unfolding.
Husband: Honey, we need to talk... I’m in therapy to deal with some problems.
Wife: WHAT??? Therapy! What the hell kind of person are you? I used to think therapy was okay, but now that I know A-Rod goes, I think it is only for cheaters, divas and men with strange bluish lips.
See… Jose knows you were trying to do something positive, just like when you slapped Arroyo, but once again your effort will do the exact opposite of what you are trying to accomplish.
And to get in one last cheap shot, Jose doesn’t know specifically what disorder, if any, A-Rod is being treated for, but there are reports that he spent his last off day staring into his reflection in a pond for about 20 hours. You Greek scholars should be able to connect the dots from there.
For more visit www.wallballsingle.com.
Tuesday, May 24
5/24/05 – It’s Not a Tumor vs. Bush
It’s time for Jose Melendez’s KEYS TO THE GAME.
1. Jose attended a Sons of Sam Horn lunch in the Back Bay yesterday with a few stalwarts from the organization. When Jose introduced himself, one attendee said “Jose Melendez of the always clever KEYS TO THE GAME.”
Jose and another attendee replied at the same time “Not always clever.”
And, it’s true. The KEYS are not always clever; they are not always funny, nor does Jose expect that they will ever be so. All Jose’s hopes for is to be known as the author of the “often clever KEYS TO THE GAME.” And frankly, these days he would settle for being the author of the “occasionally clever KEYS,” because Jose is struggling.
There has been a lot of talk early in the season about why Jose can’t find last year’s form. Clearly, he’s typing slower than last year, his syntax is a little bit off and he’s going to the Tony Castrati bit a little more often than he should.
Everyone has their theories. Maybe Jose can’t take the pressure any more. Maybe he’s distracted by domestic problems. (Note to the Melendezette: Jose is not distracted by domestic problems.) Maybe he’s just not used to the cold weather. Maybe he’s getting too much work. Maybe he’s not getting enough work.
Some people have even suggested letting Matt Mantei write KEYS for a while.
To this Jose says “FEH!!!” Jose is not the problem here. No, no. Jose is never the problem. If Jose has learned anything from watching George Steinbrenner and Donald Rumsfeld, it is that he is not the problem, or to paraphrase an excellent button “Jose’s okay. You’re a sh*thead.”
So Jose’s official, pass the buck explanation is that this team is simply not funny enough. They traded the hysterical, handshaking OC for the shy, retiring ER. The replaced a Yoda mask wearing pitcher with a fat tub of goo… And they did this in a year where there was a Star Wars movie coming out. Acquiring Wells would have been fine if they were re-releasing The Blob or making Daniel Pinkwater’s Fat Men from Space into a movie, but they’re not. See. Context matters.
So the Sox need to make some moves to get funnier, and if this means reacquiring Ricky Henderson, so be it. Because it’s not Jose’s fault. If you need to boo someone, boo Kevin Millar instead.
For more visit www.wallballsingle.com
1. Jose attended a Sons of Sam Horn lunch in the Back Bay yesterday with a few stalwarts from the organization. When Jose introduced himself, one attendee said “Jose Melendez of the always clever KEYS TO THE GAME.”
Jose and another attendee replied at the same time “Not always clever.”
And, it’s true. The KEYS are not always clever; they are not always funny, nor does Jose expect that they will ever be so. All Jose’s hopes for is to be known as the author of the “often clever KEYS TO THE GAME.” And frankly, these days he would settle for being the author of the “occasionally clever KEYS,” because Jose is struggling.
There has been a lot of talk early in the season about why Jose can’t find last year’s form. Clearly, he’s typing slower than last year, his syntax is a little bit off and he’s going to the Tony Castrati bit a little more often than he should.
Everyone has their theories. Maybe Jose can’t take the pressure any more. Maybe he’s distracted by domestic problems. (Note to the Melendezette: Jose is not distracted by domestic problems.) Maybe he’s just not used to the cold weather. Maybe he’s getting too much work. Maybe he’s not getting enough work.
Some people have even suggested letting Matt Mantei write KEYS for a while.
To this Jose says “FEH!!!” Jose is not the problem here. No, no. Jose is never the problem. If Jose has learned anything from watching George Steinbrenner and Donald Rumsfeld, it is that he is not the problem, or to paraphrase an excellent button “Jose’s okay. You’re a sh*thead.”
So Jose’s official, pass the buck explanation is that this team is simply not funny enough. They traded the hysterical, handshaking OC for the shy, retiring ER. The replaced a Yoda mask wearing pitcher with a fat tub of goo… And they did this in a year where there was a Star Wars movie coming out. Acquiring Wells would have been fine if they were re-releasing The Blob or making Daniel Pinkwater’s Fat Men from Space into a movie, but they’re not. See. Context matters.
So the Sox need to make some moves to get funnier, and if this means reacquiring Ricky Henderson, so be it. Because it’s not Jose’s fault. If you need to boo someone, boo Kevin Millar instead.
For more visit www.wallballsingle.com
Sunday, May 22
5/22/05 – Antipope Clement XV vs. Smoltz
It’s time for Jose Melendez’s KEYS TO THE GAME.
1. Jose missed most of last night’s game when he took the Melendezette to see Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. Still, the evening was not without baseball value, as Leisure Suit Larry Lucchino has often compared the New York Yankees to the Empire from Star Wars.
After careful review and analysis, Jose finds this analogy lacking. Let’s think about this analytically.
The Emperor executed a plan to seize power over the course of 15 years. The Yankees plan changes depending on Steinbrenner’s mood on any given day.
There can only be two Sith lords and any given time. The Yankees can only have one Boss… and he’s crazy. (Note: So if the Yankees motto is “There can be only one” the correct sci-fi analogy is really Highlander.)
The empire has an army of clones at it’s disposal. Actually, this one is sort of similar, as the Yankees will soon be composed almost completely of Raul Mondesi and Kevin Brown clones.
The point is that the Empire was this well-organized, smooth functioning machinery of evil, whereas the New York Yankees are this clunking inefficient machinery of evil held together with tape and $100 bills. To put in another way, if George Steinbrenner ran the empire, they’d probably end up getting their butts whooped by some teddy bears in the forest… oh… so maybe the Yankees are like the Empire after all.
For more visit www.wallballsingle.com
1. Jose missed most of last night’s game when he took the Melendezette to see Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. Still, the evening was not without baseball value, as Leisure Suit Larry Lucchino has often compared the New York Yankees to the Empire from Star Wars.
After careful review and analysis, Jose finds this analogy lacking. Let’s think about this analytically.
The Emperor executed a plan to seize power over the course of 15 years. The Yankees plan changes depending on Steinbrenner’s mood on any given day.
There can only be two Sith lords and any given time. The Yankees can only have one Boss… and he’s crazy. (Note: So if the Yankees motto is “There can be only one” the correct sci-fi analogy is really Highlander.)
The empire has an army of clones at it’s disposal. Actually, this one is sort of similar, as the Yankees will soon be composed almost completely of Raul Mondesi and Kevin Brown clones.
The point is that the Empire was this well-organized, smooth functioning machinery of evil, whereas the New York Yankees are this clunking inefficient machinery of evil held together with tape and $100 bills. To put in another way, if George Steinbrenner ran the empire, they’d probably end up getting their butts whooped by some teddy bears in the forest… oh… so maybe the Yankees are like the Empire after all.
For more visit www.wallballsingle.com
Saturday, May 21
5/21/05 Wafefield vs. Davies
It’s time for Jose Melendez’s KEYS TO THE GAME.
"Suspended" Sox hurler Balki Arroyo escaped from the asylum or a few hours yesterday to visit with fellow suspendee Zack Alves. Alves, a student in Norton, Massachusetts, was suspended for imitating Arroyo, not by throwing at batters, but by styling his hair in dreadlocks. In Jose’s opinion, this is outrageous. Alves should never have been suspended for imitating Arroyo, as he had dreadlocks, whereas anyone with even the slightest understanding of hair styling knows that Arroyo had cornrows.
For more visit www.wallballsingle.com
"Suspended" Sox hurler Balki Arroyo escaped from the asylum or a few hours yesterday to visit with fellow suspendee Zack Alves. Alves, a student in Norton, Massachusetts, was suspended for imitating Arroyo, not by throwing at batters, but by styling his hair in dreadlocks. In Jose’s opinion, this is outrageous. Alves should never have been suspended for imitating Arroyo, as he had dreadlocks, whereas anyone with even the slightest understanding of hair styling knows that Arroyo had cornrows.
For more visit www.wallballsingle.com
Friday, May 20
4/20/05 -- Shark vs. Bear
It’s time for Jose Melendez’s KEYS TO THE GAME.
1. Jose had a cyst removed from his right leg yesterday. It was thoroughly unpleasant, and he wasn’t really expecting it. Jose went in assuming that the doctor would simply say "Ah yes, you have a cyst, let’s make an appointment to do something about it" and then send Jose on his way. Jose had lived with the thing for ten years, he could have waited a few more weeks. But the doctor went right to work cutting it squeezing it and pulling it out of Jose’s leg. It was sort of like watching Gaylord Perry handle a baseball. So now, the thing gets sent off for a biopsy to find out exactly what it is. Is it a green pussy infection or a collection of disgusting, useless fatty cells? In other words Jose needs to wait to find out if he had Eric Byrnes in his leg or David Wells. By the way, if anyone was even considering worrying about Jose don’t. There was no chance that he had Jose Offerman of the leg – in other words no cancer.
For more visit www.wallballsingle.com
1. Jose had a cyst removed from his right leg yesterday. It was thoroughly unpleasant, and he wasn’t really expecting it. Jose went in assuming that the doctor would simply say "Ah yes, you have a cyst, let’s make an appointment to do something about it" and then send Jose on his way. Jose had lived with the thing for ten years, he could have waited a few more weeks. But the doctor went right to work cutting it squeezing it and pulling it out of Jose’s leg. It was sort of like watching Gaylord Perry handle a baseball. So now, the thing gets sent off for a biopsy to find out exactly what it is. Is it a green pussy infection or a collection of disgusting, useless fatty cells? In other words Jose needs to wait to find out if he had Eric Byrnes in his leg or David Wells. By the way, if anyone was even considering worrying about Jose don’t. There was no chance that he had Jose Offerman of the leg – in other words no cancer.
For more visit www.wallballsingle.com
Wednesday, May 18
5/18/05 -- Revenge of Wells
It’s time for Jose Melendez’s KEYS TO THE GAME.
1. Yes, yes, Jose knows the game has already started, but who knew it was a day game? Clearly not Jose.
Jose is not completely sure, but there is some evidence that Balki Arroyo will spend the next six days in a psychiatric ward. According to Sox manager Terry Eurona, “This is a forced vacation.” Jose knows that the official line is that Arroyo was suspended, but that always seemed a little absurd. Arroyo protects teammates from brutal plunking and he gets the suspension? Right. Let’s be honest, a mental institution seems like a far more logical explanation. And what else could “forced vacation” mean?
Jose’s only concern is that they may give him a lobotomy while he’s in there. Jose is pretty sure Mark Bellhorn used to be all chirpy and smiley until he got “suspended.”
For more visit www.wallballsingle.com
1. Yes, yes, Jose knows the game has already started, but who knew it was a day game? Clearly not Jose.
Jose is not completely sure, but there is some evidence that Balki Arroyo will spend the next six days in a psychiatric ward. According to Sox manager Terry Eurona, “This is a forced vacation.” Jose knows that the official line is that Arroyo was suspended, but that always seemed a little absurd. Arroyo protects teammates from brutal plunking and he gets the suspension? Right. Let’s be honest, a mental institution seems like a far more logical explanation. And what else could “forced vacation” mean?
Jose’s only concern is that they may give him a lobotomy while he’s in there. Jose is pretty sure Mark Bellhorn used to be all chirpy and smiley until he got “suspended.”
For more visit www.wallballsingle.com
Tuesday, May 17
5/17/04 – Antipope Clement XV vs. Zito
It’s time for Jose Melendez’s KEYS TO THE GAME.
1. Jose would like to come clean about something. Last year, he claimed that the Melendezette had taught him to taunt Ichiro with Japanese language shouts of “Hey Ichiro, your mom is hot.”
This is not true. It is no more true than Pudge Rodriguez being the Most Valuable Player in 1999 or Titanic being the best film of 1997. It is may be even less true. Those things at least have a little trophy vouching for the lie. Jose’s got nothing. What Jose should have said is that the Melendezette TRIED to teach him to say that. She tried, but much like Trot Nixon when it comes to left handed pitching, Jose just can’t learn. Jose’s actual Japanese ability is limited to saying “watashi wa beeru o nomemasu” -- I drink beer. This statement is not a lie, but it is a mediocre taunt at best.
Jose should have come clean about this sooner, especially since the Sox are now done with Seattle for the year, but this is better than never… marginally. Besides, as it turns out, it wouldn’t have mattered if he had taunted Ichiro on his mom’s hotness anyway. Ichiro wouldn’t have understood it.
Last weekend, Jose hosted two guests from Japan, his best friend from when he was eight years old, who he had not seen in 14 years, and his friend’s wife. Since the Sox were playing Seattle last weekend and Jose’s friend is a big baseball fan, Jose regaled him with stories of his alleged taunt of Ichiro. His friend did not understand at all, and with good reason. First, what the Melendezette had tried to teach Jose means “Hey Ichiro your mom is cool” rather than hot. (Note: The Melendezette told Jose this at the time, but he didn’t want to hear it… he wasn’t going to say it anyway, so what difference did it make?) Second, it simply did not make any sense in that context to a Japanese person. Why would you say someone’s mother was attractive if you had never met her? If you had met her and she was hot, why would this be an insult? Even after an extremely lengthy explanation of the American tradition of insulting someone by remarking on the attractiveness of his mother, he still found it incomprehensible.
“He would not have understood,” Jose’s friend responded with certainty.
Apparently, the Japanese lack our rich cultural heritage of mother jokes. It’s a shame. Instead, they must settle for kabuki, chanoyu and pachinko.
For more visit www.wallballsingle.com
1. Jose would like to come clean about something. Last year, he claimed that the Melendezette had taught him to taunt Ichiro with Japanese language shouts of “Hey Ichiro, your mom is hot.”
This is not true. It is no more true than Pudge Rodriguez being the Most Valuable Player in 1999 or Titanic being the best film of 1997. It is may be even less true. Those things at least have a little trophy vouching for the lie. Jose’s got nothing. What Jose should have said is that the Melendezette TRIED to teach him to say that. She tried, but much like Trot Nixon when it comes to left handed pitching, Jose just can’t learn. Jose’s actual Japanese ability is limited to saying “watashi wa beeru o nomemasu” -- I drink beer. This statement is not a lie, but it is a mediocre taunt at best.
Jose should have come clean about this sooner, especially since the Sox are now done with Seattle for the year, but this is better than never… marginally. Besides, as it turns out, it wouldn’t have mattered if he had taunted Ichiro on his mom’s hotness anyway. Ichiro wouldn’t have understood it.
Last weekend, Jose hosted two guests from Japan, his best friend from when he was eight years old, who he had not seen in 14 years, and his friend’s wife. Since the Sox were playing Seattle last weekend and Jose’s friend is a big baseball fan, Jose regaled him with stories of his alleged taunt of Ichiro. His friend did not understand at all, and with good reason. First, what the Melendezette had tried to teach Jose means “Hey Ichiro your mom is cool” rather than hot. (Note: The Melendezette told Jose this at the time, but he didn’t want to hear it… he wasn’t going to say it anyway, so what difference did it make?) Second, it simply did not make any sense in that context to a Japanese person. Why would you say someone’s mother was attractive if you had never met her? If you had met her and she was hot, why would this be an insult? Even after an extremely lengthy explanation of the American tradition of insulting someone by remarking on the attractiveness of his mother, he still found it incomprehensible.
“He would not have understood,” Jose’s friend responded with certainty.
Apparently, the Japanese lack our rich cultural heritage of mother jokes. It’s a shame. Instead, they must settle for kabuki, chanoyu and pachinko.
For more visit www.wallballsingle.com
Monday, May 16
5/16/05 – Balki vs. Saaaaarloooos
It’s time for Jose Melendez’s KEYS TO THE GAME.
1. Jose would like to formally apologize to Manny Ramirez. On Friday Jose did a joke about Manny’s mom being ashamed of his fielding, and then, almost immediately, it came out that his mom is sick. Having a sick parent is nothing to joke about, so let Jose be clear.
Manny, Jose is sorry. He wants you to know that that joke was about you, not your mom. And he wishes her a full and speedy recovery
However, Jose doesn’t feel like everyone shares his concern. The news that Manny has been distracted by his mother’s illness, an illness he could not remember the name of, set off some rather unsettling speculation that Manny might be using family problems as an excuse. It even resurrected old rumors that Manny may have lied about his grandmother passing away to get out of a few games before the All-Star break a few years ago. Jose will never ever go there. As a lesson from the life of his mother taught him to know better.
In her youth, Jose’s mother went on a date with an assistant professor or teaching fellow or some such thing, and he told her that when he had given an exam that week, 10 students were absent claiming that a grandmother had died.
“Why didn’t you call them on it?” asked Jose’s mother.
“Because what if someone’s grandmother really had died?” the professor replied.
Next week Jose’s mother had to cancel their second date because her grandmother really did die.
So that’s the question: What if Manny’s grandmother really did die? What if his mother really is sick?
Unless there is concrete proof that he is lying, all insinuations should just stop. It’s mean and it’s wrong. Now let’s move on to speculating about Tony Castrati’s recent unexplained absence.
For more visit www.wallballsingle.com
1. Jose would like to formally apologize to Manny Ramirez. On Friday Jose did a joke about Manny’s mom being ashamed of his fielding, and then, almost immediately, it came out that his mom is sick. Having a sick parent is nothing to joke about, so let Jose be clear.
Manny, Jose is sorry. He wants you to know that that joke was about you, not your mom. And he wishes her a full and speedy recovery
However, Jose doesn’t feel like everyone shares his concern. The news that Manny has been distracted by his mother’s illness, an illness he could not remember the name of, set off some rather unsettling speculation that Manny might be using family problems as an excuse. It even resurrected old rumors that Manny may have lied about his grandmother passing away to get out of a few games before the All-Star break a few years ago. Jose will never ever go there. As a lesson from the life of his mother taught him to know better.
In her youth, Jose’s mother went on a date with an assistant professor or teaching fellow or some such thing, and he told her that when he had given an exam that week, 10 students were absent claiming that a grandmother had died.
“Why didn’t you call them on it?” asked Jose’s mother.
“Because what if someone’s grandmother really had died?” the professor replied.
Next week Jose’s mother had to cancel their second date because her grandmother really did die.
So that’s the question: What if Manny’s grandmother really did die? What if his mother really is sick?
Unless there is concrete proof that he is lying, all insinuations should just stop. It’s mean and it’s wrong. Now let’s move on to speculating about Tony Castrati’s recent unexplained absence.
For more visit www.wallballsingle.com
Friday, May 13
5/13/05 -- Gonzales vs. Piniero
It’s time for Jose Melendez’s KEYS TO THE GAME.
1. People are angry and happy at the same time. People are happy that the Red Sox got their second win on a walk off homer in two days when Jason Varitek took Octavio Dotel deep. People are angry that Keith Foulke blew a three run lead in the ninth to make the comeback necessary. People are angrier still, that Foulke got a win as the reward for his failure.
This is a basic matter of equity. Jose is a big fan of Foulke, but when a reliever blows a save and picks up a win, it looks to Jose like when a CEO drives a company into the ground and then picks up a $20 million severance package or when Steve Avery gets his 18th start to pick up an extension after 17 lousy starts. It is unjust, it is larcenous, it is wrong. (Note: Jose knows it probably wasn’t 18 starts that Avery needed, he just doesn’t want to look it up because he feels strongly that any minute spent contemplating Steve Avery’s Red Sox career is also unjust, larcenous and wrong.)
So Jose has a modest proposal. From now on, any time a reliever blows a save but would, under current rules, be scheduled to pick up a win, he should not get the win. See isn’t that more just already? The way Jose sees it this would be an advancement in the annals of justice on par with the Code of Hammurabi or the appointment of Judge Wapner to the bench. (Note: Is Wapner still alive? If so, can we put him on a federal appeals court? No one could filibuster that.) But Jose’s proposal gets even better.
Instead of going to the imploding reliever, the win should be credited to Bob Stanley. Why not? Stanley raised win stealing to an art form, and this new policy would ensure that Steamer, currently stuck on 97 career wins, would reach triple digits. Of course, many “statisticians” may find the idea of giving wins to a pitcher who has been retired for 16 years objectionable. So let Jose offer a backup plan as well. Perhaps we can create a new statistic for a win recorder by a pitcher after blowing a save – we’ll call it the “stanley.” And Keith Foulke is free to pick up as many stanleys as he wants as long as the Red Sox don’t pick up an L. (Note: Or would it be stanlies? What about an abbreviation? STN?)
For more visit www.wallballsingle.com
1. People are angry and happy at the same time. People are happy that the Red Sox got their second win on a walk off homer in two days when Jason Varitek took Octavio Dotel deep. People are angry that Keith Foulke blew a three run lead in the ninth to make the comeback necessary. People are angrier still, that Foulke got a win as the reward for his failure.
This is a basic matter of equity. Jose is a big fan of Foulke, but when a reliever blows a save and picks up a win, it looks to Jose like when a CEO drives a company into the ground and then picks up a $20 million severance package or when Steve Avery gets his 18th start to pick up an extension after 17 lousy starts. It is unjust, it is larcenous, it is wrong. (Note: Jose knows it probably wasn’t 18 starts that Avery needed, he just doesn’t want to look it up because he feels strongly that any minute spent contemplating Steve Avery’s Red Sox career is also unjust, larcenous and wrong.)
So Jose has a modest proposal. From now on, any time a reliever blows a save but would, under current rules, be scheduled to pick up a win, he should not get the win. See isn’t that more just already? The way Jose sees it this would be an advancement in the annals of justice on par with the Code of Hammurabi or the appointment of Judge Wapner to the bench. (Note: Is Wapner still alive? If so, can we put him on a federal appeals court? No one could filibuster that.) But Jose’s proposal gets even better.
Instead of going to the imploding reliever, the win should be credited to Bob Stanley. Why not? Stanley raised win stealing to an art form, and this new policy would ensure that Steamer, currently stuck on 97 career wins, would reach triple digits. Of course, many “statisticians” may find the idea of giving wins to a pitcher who has been retired for 16 years objectionable. So let Jose offer a backup plan as well. Perhaps we can create a new statistic for a win recorder by a pitcher after blowing a save – we’ll call it the “stanley.” And Keith Foulke is free to pick up as many stanleys as he wants as long as the Red Sox don’t pick up an L. (Note: Or would it be stanlies? What about an abbreviation? STN?)
For more visit www.wallballsingle.com
Wednesday, May 11
5/11/05 -- Antipope Clement XV vs. The Big One
It’s time for Jose Melendez’s KEYS TO THE GAME.
1. Jose was all set to beat up Kevin Millar in this space. He was ready to absolutely brutalize the guy. He was going to do one of those cutesy open letters to the defensively challenged first baseman. Jose had it all planned out it was going to have some snappy lead like:
But then Millar went ahead and hit a game winning homer while Jose was out taking an evening constitutional with the Melendezette… thereby ruing Jose’s best laid plans.But that’s okay. This is better.
For more visit www.wallballsingle.com
1. Jose was all set to beat up Kevin Millar in this space. He was ready to absolutely brutalize the guy. He was going to do one of those cutesy open letters to the defensively challenged first baseman. Jose had it all planned out it was going to have some snappy lead like:
Dear Kevin,
Hi. It’s Jose. Jose knows we haven’t talked in a while, but he’s writing
now because he misses you and there are some questions he really wants to ask
you. For instance, how hard is it to step on the f***ing base? Yes, Jose knows
it didn’t cost any runs, but even after you were warned that teams were
complaining about you leaving early, you still couldn’t remember to step on the
f***ing base?
Is there anything Jose can do to help? Do you need to take one of those
step aerobic classes? Do you need a tour of the Central Asian steppe? What about
a 12 step program? Would that help? No probably not. You don’t need 12 steps,
you only need one… the step that lands you on first f***ing base.
But then Millar went ahead and hit a game winning homer while Jose was out taking an evening constitutional with the Melendezette… thereby ruing Jose’s best laid plans.But that’s okay. This is better.
For more visit www.wallballsingle.com
Tuesday, May 10
5/10/05 -- Balki vs. Some Dutch Sounding Guy
It’s time for Jose Melendez’s KEYS TO THE GAME.
Just a brief KEYS today, as Jose will be spending most of the day in beautiful Lawrence, Massachusetts, a city that unfortunately changed its name from Lowe, when the Derek Lowe for Brian Lawrence deal seemed inevitable.
1. After Kevin Millar hit his first home run of the season last night, Sox manager Terry Eurona commented that Millar was able to finally end his home run slump because he was able to “see the ball, stay square.” Jose can understand how seeing the ball could be important, but is Eurona seriously suggesting that the problem until last night was that Kevin Millar wasn’t square enough? Did he have a soul patch that Jose hadn’t noticed? Was he playing some jazz trombone off in the corner and Jose totally missed it? Jose is pretty sure that Kevin Millar has been plenty square all along. To quote an old band teacher of Jose’s, Kevin Millar “is like taking some hip swinging mariachi band and dropping it in a box.”So the problem has to be that he wasn’t seeing the ball that well before.
For more visit www.wallballsingle.com
Just a brief KEYS today, as Jose will be spending most of the day in beautiful Lawrence, Massachusetts, a city that unfortunately changed its name from Lowe, when the Derek Lowe for Brian Lawrence deal seemed inevitable.
1. After Kevin Millar hit his first home run of the season last night, Sox manager Terry Eurona commented that Millar was able to finally end his home run slump because he was able to “see the ball, stay square.” Jose can understand how seeing the ball could be important, but is Eurona seriously suggesting that the problem until last night was that Kevin Millar wasn’t square enough? Did he have a soul patch that Jose hadn’t noticed? Was he playing some jazz trombone off in the corner and Jose totally missed it? Jose is pretty sure that Kevin Millar has been plenty square all along. To quote an old band teacher of Jose’s, Kevin Millar “is like taking some hip swinging mariachi band and dropping it in a box.”So the problem has to be that he wasn’t seeing the ball that well before.
For more visit www.wallballsingle.com
Monday, May 9
5/9/05 – Sox vs. As
It’s time for Jose Melendez’s KEYS TO THE GAME.
Jose returns after two glorious off days feeling refreshed and reinvigorated. Will it make a difference in his writing? God no, but at least it gave him time watch the Celtics implode and prepare a nice Mothers Day dinner for his mother and Granny Melendez.
1. Jose is now 2-0 after spending Friday night’s game staring at the back of a pole with the Melendezette and two other friends, while completely and totally sober. (Note: Couldn’t they at least have pole dancers on the supports columns? They should give a fellow something to look at if he can’t see the batter.) Between innings, Jose finally discovered the horrible secret of why the Melendezette enjoys going to baseball games live but is largely indifferent to watching them on television, internet, closed circuit television or in Indonesian shadow puppet reenactments.
“This is my favorite part,” she cooed… between innings.
For a few moments, Jose thought that she meant he favorite part was staring at the back of pole. Then he decided that might not be the case, and craned his neck around the pole just in case there was something else going on. As it turned out, the grounds crew was dragging the rakes around the infield.
It turns out that she likes going to baseball games for the same reason she like HGTV… she’s in it for the landscaping. Though Jose suspects that if it were up to her, the infield would have more of a Zen rock garden feel, with granite boulders replacing the bases. (Note: This is actually completely unfair. She has a great suggestion for the grounds crew. Mr. Henry take note. If the Red Sox played the theme from Benny Hill while the grounds crew groomed the infield, they would work in super fast motion, and the work would go twice as fast. Also, British women would end up on the field in their underwear.)
So Jose has a modest proposal to the Red Sox to make watching the entire season a year a bit more palatable to the Melendezette. Start showing the grounds crew’s work on television, but switch the innings that they rake the field from night to night to keep her guessing. That will prevent her from lobbying to change the channel to some drivel like Hulk Hogan’s Rock ‘n’ Racquetball, the Gastineau Girls or the State of the Union.
If the Red Sox make this simple change, it should create enough harmony in the Melendez household that Jose can start watching a robust 160 to 161 games per year, rather than his current wan and anemic 155.
For more visit www.wallballsingle.com
Jose returns after two glorious off days feeling refreshed and reinvigorated. Will it make a difference in his writing? God no, but at least it gave him time watch the Celtics implode and prepare a nice Mothers Day dinner for his mother and Granny Melendez.
1. Jose is now 2-0 after spending Friday night’s game staring at the back of a pole with the Melendezette and two other friends, while completely and totally sober. (Note: Couldn’t they at least have pole dancers on the supports columns? They should give a fellow something to look at if he can’t see the batter.) Between innings, Jose finally discovered the horrible secret of why the Melendezette enjoys going to baseball games live but is largely indifferent to watching them on television, internet, closed circuit television or in Indonesian shadow puppet reenactments.
“This is my favorite part,” she cooed… between innings.
For a few moments, Jose thought that she meant he favorite part was staring at the back of pole. Then he decided that might not be the case, and craned his neck around the pole just in case there was something else going on. As it turned out, the grounds crew was dragging the rakes around the infield.
It turns out that she likes going to baseball games for the same reason she like HGTV… she’s in it for the landscaping. Though Jose suspects that if it were up to her, the infield would have more of a Zen rock garden feel, with granite boulders replacing the bases. (Note: This is actually completely unfair. She has a great suggestion for the grounds crew. Mr. Henry take note. If the Red Sox played the theme from Benny Hill while the grounds crew groomed the infield, they would work in super fast motion, and the work would go twice as fast. Also, British women would end up on the field in their underwear.)
So Jose has a modest proposal to the Red Sox to make watching the entire season a year a bit more palatable to the Melendezette. Start showing the grounds crew’s work on television, but switch the innings that they rake the field from night to night to keep her guessing. That will prevent her from lobbying to change the channel to some drivel like Hulk Hogan’s Rock ‘n’ Racquetball, the Gastineau Girls or the State of the Union.
If the Red Sox make this simple change, it should create enough harmony in the Melendez household that Jose can start watching a robust 160 to 161 games per year, rather than his current wan and anemic 155.
For more visit www.wallballsingle.com
Friday, May 6
5/6/05 – Antipope Clement XV vs. Moyer
It’s time for Jose Melendez’s KEYS TO THE GAME.
Tonight, Jose makes his second trip of the year to both Fenway Park and the Women’s Christian Temperance section. Jose will put his undefeated season once again on the shoulders of Antipope Clement XV, as he battles crafty lefty Jamie Moyer.
Jose is really impressed with Moyer. He never would have guessed when the Red Sox traded him in 1996 that he would become the pitcher he is today, particularly at his advanced age. The fact that even at the age of 71, even after retiring from his duties as the host of NOW on PBS and almost 40 years after ending his stint as special assistant to President Lyndon Baines Johnson, Moyer is off to a 4-0 start is just a testament to the things senior citizens can accomplish in this day and age.
For more visit www.wallballsingle.com
Thursday, May 5
Cinco de Mayo 2005 – Sitcom Battle: Balki vs. JJ
It’s time for Jose Melendez’s KEYS TO THE GAME.
Day game after a night game. Not cool. Historically, Jose hasn’t really understood what the players are griping about because he writes the KEYS early in the morning before he goes in to his “real job,” but yesterday, due to illness the KEYS did not get written until after Jose had left work for the day, creating a true “night game followed by a day game effect.” And let Jose say, it sucks. All of these years he thought ballplayers were just being pansies, but it turns out it’s really unpleasant.
How bad is it? Jose actually had to start writing WHILE HE WAS STILL ASLEEP!!! This is the result:
Jose expects the red hot Johnny Damon to add some power to his game tonight. In his second at bat Jose envisions that Damon will give the bat a mighty swing… and the bat will turn into a snake that grabs the ball in its mouth and spits it into right field.
Then when Damon starts running the bases instead of just stopping at home, he’s going to keep running around and around and around until the infield turns into a vortex or whirlpool or something. And Jose is the third base coach rather than Dale Sveum… did Jose mention that? That’s especially weird, because while Dale Sveum might be expected to keep waving a runner around even if he’s creating a vortex that could destroy the universe, you’d think Jose would know to stop.
So suddenly the vortex sucks Jose and Johnny and Kevin Millar through. When we come out the other side, we’re in Jabba the Hut’s palace from Return of the Jedi. And Jabba is right there, except it’s not Jabba it’s David Wells, but he looks like Jabba. (Note: If fans are pissed that he was at the Celtics game with his injured foot, it’s going to be double ugly once they find out he’s been running all over Tatooine.) Over on the wall where the frozen Han should be is this plastic boot with Curt Euro’s foot in it. Jose doesn’t know how he knows it’s Curt’s foot, but he does.
So Johnny Damon runs over with his snake/bat which is now a lightsaber and chops down the frame that the foot is in and suddenly Curt Euro pops out of the boot, alive and well. But dozens of Jabba’s security guards, who look suspiciously like Fenway Park security personnel start to rush us… and then… and then... well what happened next isn’t important. What’s important is that Jose got more than 400 words of content out of it.
Day game after a night game. Not cool. Historically, Jose hasn’t really understood what the players are griping about because he writes the KEYS early in the morning before he goes in to his “real job,” but yesterday, due to illness the KEYS did not get written until after Jose had left work for the day, creating a true “night game followed by a day game effect.” And let Jose say, it sucks. All of these years he thought ballplayers were just being pansies, but it turns out it’s really unpleasant.
How bad is it? Jose actually had to start writing WHILE HE WAS STILL ASLEEP!!! This is the result:
Jose expects the red hot Johnny Damon to add some power to his game tonight. In his second at bat Jose envisions that Damon will give the bat a mighty swing… and the bat will turn into a snake that grabs the ball in its mouth and spits it into right field.
Then when Damon starts running the bases instead of just stopping at home, he’s going to keep running around and around and around until the infield turns into a vortex or whirlpool or something. And Jose is the third base coach rather than Dale Sveum… did Jose mention that? That’s especially weird, because while Dale Sveum might be expected to keep waving a runner around even if he’s creating a vortex that could destroy the universe, you’d think Jose would know to stop.
So suddenly the vortex sucks Jose and Johnny and Kevin Millar through. When we come out the other side, we’re in Jabba the Hut’s palace from Return of the Jedi. And Jabba is right there, except it’s not Jabba it’s David Wells, but he looks like Jabba. (Note: If fans are pissed that he was at the Celtics game with his injured foot, it’s going to be double ugly once they find out he’s been running all over Tatooine.) Over on the wall where the frozen Han should be is this plastic boot with Curt Euro’s foot in it. Jose doesn’t know how he knows it’s Curt’s foot, but he does.
So Johnny Damon runs over with his snake/bat which is now a lightsaber and chops down the frame that the foot is in and suddenly Curt Euro pops out of the boot, alive and well. But dozens of Jabba’s security guards, who look suspiciously like Fenway Park security personnel start to rush us… and then… and then... well what happened next isn’t important. What’s important is that Jose got more than 400 words of content out of it.
Wednesday, May 4
5/4/05 – Not a Former TB Pitcher vs. Robertson
It’s time for Jose Melendez’s KEYS TO THE GAME.
Ugghh… Jose is sick, hence the lateness of today’s KEYS. But they’re still here. And that’s the difference between Jose and guys like Euro Bellhorn or Umlaut Mueller. He’ll be damned if Ramon Vasquez takes any of his swings.
1. A loyal reader stirke4 found this on the craigslist “missed connections” and shared it with Jose.
Let Jose assures all readers, and by this, he means the Melendezette, that he does not know this woman. (Note: XXXXX, if you’re reading, Jose is fine, and you’re nice to ask.)
Jose has read the “missed connections” in the Improper Bostonian from time to time and found them immensely entertaining, but he’d never really read the ones on line before. What a shame because he missed some great stuff. For instance:
And these are just a few of the great “Missed Connections” out there. Look for more in future editions of KEYS.
For more visit www.wallballsingle.com
Ugghh… Jose is sick, hence the lateness of today’s KEYS. But they’re still here. And that’s the difference between Jose and guys like Euro Bellhorn or Umlaut Mueller. He’ll be damned if Ramon Vasquez takes any of his swings.
1. A loyal reader stirke4 found this on the craigslist “missed connections” and shared it with Jose.
Jose Melendez, where are you? - w4m -
23
Reply to: XXXXX
Date: 2005-05-04, 9:18AM EDT
We worked together in the summer of 1999 in downtown Manhattan. We dated
briefly, but then broke up. I was 17, you were almost 19. I've not forgotten
about you. I lost your information and I'm looking to speak with you again, even
just to know that you're well.
Let Jose assures all readers, and by this, he means the Melendezette, that he does not know this woman. (Note: XXXXX, if you’re reading, Jose is fine, and you’re nice to ask.)
Jose has read the “missed connections” in the Improper Bostonian from time to time and found them immensely entertaining, but he’d never really read the ones on line before. What a shame because he missed some great stuff. For instance:
Home Runs Where Have You Gone? – h4s - 33
I met you back in 1999 in
Florida. You didn’t hang around with me a lot, but over the course of a
few years we grew closer, closer to the point that I saw you 25 times in one
year. And now? Where have you gone? I haven’t seen you since
last fall. I miss you… I need you… I can’t shut up about you… or about
anything else…
--Love at first/right in Boston
Where is My Closer? – s4c - 33
We got together last year,
and for the first time in my life I felt able to let go, like I could give up
control and things would work out okay, like I didn’t have to finish everything
myself.
But, I moved, my work took me from Boston to New
York, and I miss you so bad. I’m doing really well here, but I have to do
everything myself. There’s no one here I can rely on. And I hear
that you’re struggling, that you haven’t been the same since I left. I’d
love to just be with you again… for just another six months. Call
me.
--Pedro in Queens
And these are just a few of the great “Missed Connections” out there. Look for more in future editions of KEYS.
For more visit www.wallballsingle.com
Tuesday, May 3
5/3/05 – A Buddha vs. Maroth
In preparation for tonight’s game against the (Mac OS X) Tigers, Jose turns to William Blake’s “The Tiger” for metric inspiration. Jose loves this poem. Admittedly, he was originally introduced to it in a Spiderman comic book and it wasn’t even the real poem – “spider” was substituted for “tiger” every time. Still, it’s a good poem and it is apt.
The Tigers
By Jose Melendez
Tigers, tigers, don’t burn down.
Aged buildings in Motown,
Can’t hit, throw or win a race,
They don’t torch cities for last place.
Tigers, tigers in the field,
Bobby Higginson revealed,
What hand, if it’s made of stone,
Can catch the ball and throw it home?
Tigers, tigers not adroit,
In the forests of Detroit
Ty Cobb’s ghost – always bitter
When D. Young is your best hitter.
Tigers, tigers in the snow,
Playing when it’s ten below,
Although it can seem uncouth,
Your stadium could use a roof.
Tigers, tigers struggling,
Like the cat who plays with string,
John Ha-Lama holds the twine,
Christ. He’s in our starting nine?
Tigers, tigers pale and wan,
Kirk and Sparky both are gone,
Trammel’s back with much to do,
He’s not the same without “Sweet Lou.”
Tigers, Tiger play tonight,
Underneath electric light,
Not the team of ’84,
Tigers please drop three of four.
The Tigers
By Jose Melendez
Tigers, tigers, don’t burn down.
Aged buildings in Motown,
Can’t hit, throw or win a race,
They don’t torch cities for last place.
Tigers, tigers in the field,
Bobby Higginson revealed,
What hand, if it’s made of stone,
Can catch the ball and throw it home?
Tigers, tigers not adroit,
In the forests of Detroit
Ty Cobb’s ghost – always bitter
When D. Young is your best hitter.
Tigers, tigers in the snow,
Playing when it’s ten below,
Although it can seem uncouth,
Your stadium could use a roof.
Tigers, tigers struggling,
Like the cat who plays with string,
John Ha-Lama holds the twine,
Christ. He’s in our starting nine?
Tigers, tigers pale and wan,
Kirk and Sparky both are gone,
Trammel’s back with much to do,
He’s not the same without “Sweet Lou.”
Tigers, Tiger play tonight,
Underneath electric light,
Not the team of ’84,
Tigers please drop three of four.
Monday, May 2
5/2/05 -- "I" vs. "Y"
It’s time for Jose Melendez’s KEYS TO THE GAME.
Tonight is a milestone for the Red Sox. It marks the first time in the franchise’s history that they have faced an opponent that has sold not only naming rights for its ballpark, but for the team itself, to a major corporation. Sure the Detroit Tigers have not actually formally changed their name, but according to Jose’s sources they have cut a deal with Apple Computer to become the Detroit (Mac OS X) Tigers. While this is the first baseball team to have sold its naming rights, it is not the first in U.S. professional sports. The (Mac OS X) Tigers join the Anaheim Mighty Ducks and Carolina (Mac OS X) Panthers, as major U.S. teams to sell their naming rights.
The (Mac OS X) Tigers boast more than 200 new features including a “rock solid UNIX foundation,” burnable folders and maybe just a little bit of pitching. They do not, however, include Magglio Ordonez.
Visit www.wallballsingle.com for the complete KEYS.
Tonight is a milestone for the Red Sox. It marks the first time in the franchise’s history that they have faced an opponent that has sold not only naming rights for its ballpark, but for the team itself, to a major corporation. Sure the Detroit Tigers have not actually formally changed their name, but according to Jose’s sources they have cut a deal with Apple Computer to become the Detroit (Mac OS X) Tigers. While this is the first baseball team to have sold its naming rights, it is not the first in U.S. professional sports. The (Mac OS X) Tigers join the Anaheim Mighty Ducks and Carolina (Mac OS X) Panthers, as major U.S. teams to sell their naming rights.
The (Mac OS X) Tigers boast more than 200 new features including a “rock solid UNIX foundation,” burnable folders and maybe just a little bit of pitching. They do not, however, include Magglio Ordonez.
Visit www.wallballsingle.com for the complete KEYS.
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