Wednesday, July 27

7/27/05 – Respect Manny’s Right to Privacy Don’t Read This

It’s time for Jose Melendez’s KEYS TO THE GAME.

1. It was a rough day for Antipope Clement XV. Not only did he take a line drive off the side of the head, but Jose learned that he is not even the first Antipope Clement XV. Apparently, in 1963 an excommunicated French Canadian named Michel Colin named himself Pope Clement XV in protest of Vatican II. (Note: Or did he name himself Pope in protest of Big Audio Dynamite 2, it gets a little murky.) Since he had been excommunicated, he was regarded as an antipope, a minor antipope, but an antipope nonetheless. Still, Jose will continue to address Matt Clement as Antipope Clement XV rather than increasing him to Antipope Clement XVI. He had a hard day, and he doesn’t need any more stress.

While the accident looked terrible, and must have felt terrible, Jose is very happy to hear that the damage does not, thus far, appear to be serious. Jose had a feeling it wasn’t as bad as it could have been as soon as he noticed that no one tapped Clement with a mallet to determine whether he was alive or not and certainly no one smashed his papal ring.

With that out of the way, we can now focus on the fact that Clement has received no credit for stopping the ball. Sure it went in to left field, but he did a great job of making contact with it. Why is it that what would be called a terrific header in soccer, a vicious headbutt in wrestling or an illegal headbutt in boxing is regarded in baseball as a terrible accident? Sure the ball is traveling 110 mph and can pulverize bone, but that shouldn’t change anything. Jose congratulates Matt Clement on his brilliant header, and hopes that he gets well soon. Also, Jose suggests that next time you try a bicycle kick; it looks cooler and hurts less.

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