5/16/05 – Balki vs. Saaaaarloooos

It’s time for Jose Melendez’s KEYS TO THE GAME.

1. Jose would like to formally apologize to Manny Ramirez. On Friday Jose did a joke about Manny’s mom being ashamed of his fielding, and then, almost immediately, it came out that his mom is sick. Having a sick parent is nothing to joke about, so let Jose be clear.
Manny, Jose is sorry. He wants you to know that that joke was about you, not your mom. And he wishes her a full and speedy recovery

However, Jose doesn’t feel like everyone shares his concern. The news that Manny has been distracted by his mother’s illness, an illness he could not remember the name of, set off some rather unsettling speculation that Manny might be using family problems as an excuse. It even resurrected old rumors that Manny may have lied about his grandmother passing away to get out of a few games before the All-Star break a few years ago. Jose will never ever go there. As a lesson from the life of his mother taught him to know better.

In her youth, Jose’s mother went on a date with an assistant professor or teaching fellow or some such thing, and he told her that when he had given an exam that week, 10 students were absent claiming that a grandmother had died.

“Why didn’t you call them on it?” asked Jose’s mother.

“Because what if someone’s grandmother really had died?” the professor replied.

Next week Jose’s mother had to cancel their second date because her grandmother really did die.

So that’s the question: What if Manny’s grandmother really did die? What if his mother really is sick?

Unless there is concrete proof that he is lying, all insinuations should just stop. It’s mean and it’s wrong. Now let’s move on to speculating about Tony Castrati’s recent unexplained absence.

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