Wednesday, May 18

5/18/05 -- Revenge of Wells

It’s time for Jose Melendez’s KEYS TO THE GAME.

1. Yes, yes, Jose knows the game has already started, but who knew it was a day game? Clearly not Jose.

Jose is not completely sure, but there is some evidence that Balki Arroyo will spend the next six days in a psychiatric ward. According to Sox manager Terry Eurona, “This is a forced vacation.” Jose knows that the official line is that Arroyo was suspended, but that always seemed a little absurd. Arroyo protects teammates from brutal plunking and he gets the suspension? Right. Let’s be honest, a mental institution seems like a far more logical explanation. And what else could “forced vacation” mean?

Jose’s only concern is that they may give him a lobotomy while he’s in there. Jose is pretty sure Mark Bellhorn used to be all chirpy and smiley until he got “suspended.”

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