Sunday, May 22

5/22/05 – Antipope Clement XV vs. Smoltz

It’s time for Jose Melendez’s KEYS TO THE GAME.

1. Jose missed most of last night’s game when he took the Melendezette to see Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. Still, the evening was not without baseball value, as Leisure Suit Larry Lucchino has often compared the New York Yankees to the Empire from Star Wars.
After careful review and analysis, Jose finds this analogy lacking. Let’s think about this analytically.

The Emperor executed a plan to seize power over the course of 15 years. The Yankees plan changes depending on Steinbrenner’s mood on any given day.
There can only be two Sith lords and any given time. The Yankees can only have one Boss… and he’s crazy. (Note: So if the Yankees motto is “There can be only one” the correct sci-fi analogy is really Highlander.)

The empire has an army of clones at it’s disposal. Actually, this one is sort of similar, as the Yankees will soon be composed almost completely of Raul Mondesi and Kevin Brown clones.
The point is that the Empire was this well-organized, smooth functioning machinery of evil, whereas the New York Yankees are this clunking inefficient machinery of evil held together with tape and $100 bills. To put in another way, if George Steinbrenner ran the empire, they’d probably end up getting their butts whooped by some teddy bears in the forest… oh… so maybe the Yankees are like the Empire after all.

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