Sunday, September 26

From SoSH: Re: 9/26: NY v. Bos: Brown v. Schilling

It’s time for Jose Melendez’s KEYS TO THE GAME.

1. Jose has a theory on C. J. Nitkowski’s miserable relief performance for the Yankees last night. Earlier in the year, Jose wrote about how Nitkowski’s once fine baseball Web site had changed to a evangelical Christian Web site, reflecting the fact that he had been born again. If he wants to express his faith, that’s fine, but he shouldn’t let it get in the way of baseball. Jose has this theory that Johnny Damon went over to Nitkowski and said, "C.J. Nitkowski, it is I, your savior, and I command you to pitch terribly against the Red Sox." Afraid to anger his God, Nitkowski delivered the requisite bomb.

Alternatively, Nitkowski is just a terrible, terrible pitcher.

2. Amazingly, Kevin Brown will attempt to pitch for the Yankees today despite a left hand that’s as broken as the Yankees farm system. The Yankees are addressing the injury by giving Brown a glove with extra padding. This is really a case of treating the symptom rather than the cause isn’t it? A padded glove does nothing to address Brown’s almost unrivaled stupidity. Jose is please to report that the Yankees are working on a therapy for that as well. Reportedly, Yankees owner George Steinbrenner has been reading "Flowers for Algernon" over and over in the hope that he can learn the secrets of the remarkable intelligence boosting surgery it documents. Jose, would suggest that Steinbrenner watch some Simpsons as well and then look to see if Brown has any crayons in his brain.

3. A few tidbits from between the line of Shaughnessy’s column today.
"Derek Jeter…and…Alex Rodriguez…trading…blow after blow." (Note: Working blue again Dan? You never seem to get tired of the sexual innuendo.)

"Leather wielding…Leonardo Dicaprio…. …can…hunt down…George Steinbrenner…at wedding and bar mitzvahs." (Note: Whatever you say Dan.)

"We’re all hoping…Karate Kid…gets better….if…we…sit and watch. (Note: It does, but Jose would stay away from the Karate Kid stuff. Bill Simmons, pretty much has that market cornered.)

I’m Jose Melendez, and those are my KEYS TO THE GAME.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I am wondering if Jose is aware that the song that blared on the Fenway PA system before the top of the 8th on Saturday night was the searing "Corduroy" by Pearl Jam, and whether Jose might care to comment on the possible meaning therein.

The lyrics are rather more complex than those of the song now traditionally played in the middle of the 8th ...

Seems this had to have something to do with Pedro's "daddy" comment.

Abbruzzese, Ament, Gossard, McCready, Vedder

The waiting drove me mad. You're finally here and I'm a mess.
I take your entrance back. Can't let you roam inside my head.

I don't want to take what you can give.
I would rather starve than eat your bread.
I would rather run but I can't walk.
Guess I lie alone just like before.

I'll take the firmest path. Oh, and I must refuse your test.
A-push me and I will resist. This behavior's not unique.

I don't want to hear from those who know.
They can buy but can't put on my clothes.
I don't want to wait for them to walk.
Never would have known of me before.

I don't want to be held in your debt.
I'll pay it off in blood let I be wed.
I'm already cut up and half dead.
I'll end up alone like I began.

Everything has chains. Absolutely nothing's changed.
"Take my hand, not my picture." Spelled my T-shirt.

I don't want to take what you can give.
I would rather starve than eat your breast.
All the things that others want for me.
Can't buy what I want because it's free.
Can't be what you want because I...

Why ain't it supposed to be just fun?
To live and die let it be done.
I figure I'll be damned. All alone like I began.

It's your move now. I thought you were a friend but I guess, I... I guess
I hate you.