Saturday, September 11

From SoSH: Re: September 11th - Bronson and Ron go for #2

It’s time for Jose Melendez’s KEYS TO THE GAME.

Is this West Coast swing over yet? Because it is killing Jose. Jose has this theory that West Coast road trips are a massive conspiracy by the Coffee Grower’s Association, or possibly some sort of secret aid stream to the Colombian government.

Normally, Jose drinks one to two cups of black tar per day. This week, however, when he has stayed up for every single game, he has been up to around five. Yesterday, Jose had three cups in a two hour meeting at the end of the day and boy did he pay for it. Jose tried to sleep at about 1AM, once the game’s outcome was no longer in doubt. But instead of drifting off into blissful slumber (Note: or even a fitful sleep), he lay there twitching for about an hour. Even the normally, reliable BBC could not send him off to Queen Mab. (Note: This is Jose’s first try at a Shakespeare allusion, and frankly he’s not sure he got it right. If he wants to sneak one by without anyone being able to verify whether he screwed it up, he should allude to Timons of Athens instead.)

So Jose got up and went for a walk around the drunk strewn streets of Boston at about 2 AM. Jose’s done this many times before, but rarely while sober himself, and it’s a whole different world. Jose saw at least three fist fights and five well-dressed people lying in their own filth. Actually, it was sort of like a trip to Yankee stadium.

Jose’s in a rush today, so lets see what the REAL news in Dan Shaughnessey’s column today is.

"We…are…shoving…come….into the handsome face of the Yankee Superstar…A-Rod" (Note: Jeez, are the KEYS working blue?)

"John Kerry…rained…the F-Word…on…Garciaparra…at the Barcelona Olympics." (Note: That’s at least as true as some of the Swift Boat ads.)

"The Yankees…cease-and-desist…intelligence…and…confidence." (Note: No controversy there.)

3. How long after the Buffett concert is over do you think the Red Sox will wait to announce that the concert at Fenway next year will be… Dropkick Murphys. Jose figures about a week. Jose knows they don’t quite have the fanatical following of a Springsteen or Buffett, but the Sox do seem intent on shoving them down our throats. (Note: Jose likes Dropkick Murhpys fine, and Tessie has grown on him, but as many SoSHers have pointed out, it’s been a bit much.) If the Sox are serious about having the best possible concert at Fenway, Jose hopes they are building a way back machine, so they can get The Clash circa 1978. And while their there can they pick up a young Bill Lee, you know, just for the series against Don Zimmer and the Tampa Bay Devil Rays.

I’m Jose Melendez, and those are my KEYS TO THE GAME.

1 comment:

Pensacola Pilot said...

After the 22-0 game and considering the speed of a quaterback's "pitch", I am not surprised New York does not sign Eli Manning. Kill two birds with one stone.