Sunday, September 19

KEYS TO COMMERCE - Sept. 19, 2004

It’s time for Jose Melendez’s KEYS TO COMMERCE.

1. You asked for it you demanded…and Jose delivers. Yes, Jose is whoring himself out worse than Roger Clemens, though without the, you know, treason. Behind this little link

lies your source for all manner of appalling KEYS TO THE GAME merchandise. T-shirts, hats, mugs and more still to come. Go on take a look, heck even buy something. And remember all of the profits go to the Jose Melendez Foundation (Note: Literally, to pay for repairs to the foundation of Jose’s house. Okay, that was a lie, Jose rents. Jose’s keeping the profits? Are you happy? Though actually, a little kickback will go to his aunt and ace graphic designer Carol Melendez) And keep coming back for more. One of these days Jose might just add an "I’m Jose Melendez and Eric Kneel is my b*tch T-shirt." Jose bets that would be a big seller.

Jose must confess, this is a little weird for him; he doesn’t have an e entrepreneurial bone in his body. On the other hand, if it doesn’t make any money, can it really be considered entrepreneurship?

2. Jose is also thinking about starting to sell customized sets of birthday KEYS. Jose has written these for loved ones over the course of the season, no big deal. Then he saw an ad promoting customized improv shows for corporate occasions. This got Jose thinking. If loser improv comedians can do shows based on corporations they don’t work at, why couldn’t a loser blogger write birthday KEYS for people he doesn’t know? Jose figures that for $30, he could write a KEYS style poem and two additional birthday KEYS based on customized information sent by the purchaser. It’s the perfect gift for any of Jose’s insane minions. Jose hasn’t really set up a Paypal account or anything like this to actually make this possible yet, but if you’re interested email Jose at and we’ll figure something out. (Note: Jose is not holding his breath on this one.)

3. Jose is also planning to release a book version of the 2004 KEYS TO THE GAME once the season ends in late, late October (Note: You’d better believe it.) Keep looking here and at Jose’s shop after the World Series for details.

I’m Jose Melendez and those are my KEYS TO COMMERCE.

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