Saturday, April 9

4/9/05 - Boston vs. Team Confusion

It’s time for Jose Melendez’s KEYS TO THE GAME...

3. The BJays are now the most confusing team in the majors. First, they have both Frank Catalanotto and Frank Menechino. Jose cannot remember which is which. Who played for the As? Which is the one that always kills the Sox? Couldn’t they just call them Frank Infield and Frank Outfield? That would be easier. But they had both Franks (note: Euros) last year, so what is it that sets them aside as the single most confusing team in baseball in 2005? That would be the addition of Cory Koskie. Or was it Eric Hinskie? For whatever reason, Jose cannot keep the two of them straight. Presumably it is because they are both third baseman, both have names ending in "ie" and have both killed Jose in fantasy leagues. And now they’re on the same team, except one of them, God only knows which one, is playing third base.

(Note: Speaking of third basemen, the BJays have three third basemen in their starting lineup, Koskie, Hinskie and Hillenbrand. Are they trying to set a record? If so, Jose hopes they bring back Kelly Gruber. That guy was Mr. Blue Jay, and, as best Jose knows, the only Blue Jay who was ever the center of a Kids in the Hall Sketch. Also Ed Sprague… they should bring him back too.)

But the confusing BJays roster is no accident. No, no!!! Jose is convinced that BJays GM J.P. Riccardi is trying to compensate for a below average roster by trying to confuse his opponents. He probably figures that if opposing pitchers can’t remember which guy is at the plate, they won’t remember whether to throw him fastballs inside or sliders down and away. Riccardi, a Worcester native probably leaned this strategy by watching Sox GM Lou Gorman operate in the early 1990s. Gorman made a run at being the most confusing team in baseball, when he sought to add Greg W. Harris and Mark Gardner to Greg A. Harris and Mike Gardner. (Note: Or was it the other way around?) The attempt failed, so the confusion theory was never attempted. Jose figures that Riccardi is just handling Gorman’s unfinished business.
So look for Riccardi to acquire all three Molina brothers before the trading deadline; it’s the logical move, after all.

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